How can i make this essay better.?
I wanna get a high grade on it.Please help me fix any errors and tell me if there is some that should be taken out and replace.Thanks in advance. The American Identity For many year people have immigrated to the United States of America. As Americans they have the right to choose your own religion. America has been involve in many wars and we are proud of our part of history in it.. As Americans we have a strong sense of pride for this country. Today America is one of the best nations to live on and as Americans we are proud. People have immigrated for many years in search of religious tolerance. Many countries prohibit people from choosing a religion and worship it. People have paid the ultimate prize for their believes. In the United States people are protected under the first amendment and are allow to follow their own religion. With this privilege Americans can enjoy the freedom of worshiping as they please. For the past 6 years America has been in a war against terrorist. Many Americans have pleaded the government to bring out troops back home. Americans are worried about the nations economy and we believed that instead of spending the countries money we should find a way to open new jobs because there are people who are struggling with the economic problems that we are experiencing. We are very proud of our history and our involvement both World Wars. During most wars we have been involve we weren’t prepare for them but our patriotism motivated us and we have emerged victorious. Many Americans believe that our country is the best in the world. America is one of the few countries that give people unique rights available nowhere else. We are proud of our advance in technology and what we have accomplished. One of the reasons we are most proud of if because of our veterans. Our veterans have fought and sacrificed their live for what we believe in.
Homework Help - 12 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
1st paragraph,combine setences and dont say america soo much
2 :
check your punctuations..
3 :
how old are u or what grade are u in?
4 :
I couldn't get past the first few lines, you kept repeating Americans over and over, no offense though.
5 :
You could check your grammar and punctuation. Use interesting words that will grab the reader. The first paragraph should be very interesting. Good luck on your essay.
6 :
It's decent, but you use the word "proud" five times and "pride" two times. That's a pretty good sign that you're repeating the same point over and over.
7 :
Use the pronoun "She" for America
8 :
-*years* -they have the rights to choose *their own* religion. -you say *as americans* a lot -you have a lot of repetitions. -a war against *terrorism*. -you switch too often between the facts, and feelings. -do not use *we* -good luck on your paper
9 :
I'd like to point out that your entire premise is wrong. There's no such thing as the "American Identity." You assume that all United States citizens are the same and feel the same way. This is a false assumption. And America can refer to both the U.S. and Canada and even, I think, Mexico. It's the U.S., not America. United States citizens may appear to have freedom of religion, but the nitty gritty truth is some citizens are abused, oppressed, and denied the basic rights supposedly allotted to all. There are unique rights granted here, but the U.S. has terrible evils underlying everything. Remember, questioning the government is the only true form of patriotism.
10 :
"for many years" not year, " given the honor of being american, people have the right to decide their own religion"..."america has been involved in many wars and we are proud that our country is well known through out history" you already stated that we are prod to be americans so it gets old and loses interest. "many countries have prohibited people from choosing their individual religion and worshiping it. you cant pay a prize but you can pay a "price" and it should be beliefs instead of believes. it should be to bring our in stead of to bring out troops back home.
11 :
The American Identity For many yearS people have immigrated to The United States of America. As Americans, they have the right to choose THEIR own religion. America has been involveD in many wars and we are proud of our part of history in it.(SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SAYING WE ARE PROUD TO BE IN WARS???. MAYBE SAY WE ARE FIERCELY PATRIOTIC AND WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO DEFEND OUR FREEDOM AND THE FREEDOM OF OTHERS) As Americans we have a strong sense of pride for this country. Today America is one of the best nations to live In and as Americans we are proud.(REDUNDANT) People have immigrated for many years in search of religious tolerance. Many countries prohibit people from choosing a religion and PRACTICING IT worship it. People have paid the ultimate priCe for their belieFS. In The United States people are protected under the First Amendment and are allowED to follow their own religion (FREEDOM OF SPEECH) . With this RIGHT privilege, Americans can enjoy the freedom of worshiping as they please. For the past 6 years America has been in a war against terrorisM. Many Americans have pleaded WITH THE government to bring ouR troops back home. Americans are worried about the economy and we believe that instead of spending OUR countrY'S money (QUALIFY THIS) we should find a way to CREATE new jobs because there are people who are struggling with the economic problems that we are experiencing. (NEEDS TO GO IN EARLIER PART) We are very proud of our history and our involvement both World Wars. During most wars we have been involveD IN, we were NOT prepareD for them but our patriotism motivated us and we have emerged victorious.(VERY SUBJECTIVE, MOST AMERICANS DO NOT FEEL WE "WON" IN VIETNAM) Many Americans believe that our country is the best in the world. America is one of the few countries that give people unique rights available nowhere else. We are proud of our advanceS in technology and what we have accomplished. One of the THINGS we are most proud OF iS our veterans. Our veterans have fought and sacrificed their liveS for what we believe in. GOOD IDEAS, JUST TIGHTEN IT UP A BIT AND YOU WILL DO GREAT!
12 :
In order from beginning: "For many YEARS..." Then second sentence, comma after Americans, also consider changing YOUR (own religion) to Their. (You dont want to switch around from saying You to Them to Us, know what I mean?) "People have payed the ultimate PRICE.." "During most wars we have been involve we weren’t prepare for them but our patriotism motivated us and we have emerged victorious." I like that sentence, but change Prepare to prepared. "Our veterans....sacrificed their LIVES...." Its wonderful; I am sure you will get a good grade. Just make sure to check your grammar and use some commas so your sentences dont run on and on. Or us commas to combine two short sentences, this way they dont look like baby sentences.
